


What Sirius Wants

by remuslives23



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: M/M, MWPP Era, old fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-01-21
Updated: 2015-01-20
Packaged: 2018-03-08 10:55:02
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 18,312
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3206606
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/remuslives23/pseuds/remuslives23
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>What Sirius wants, Sirius gets. But what if Sirius doesn't know what he wants?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. 1

What Sirius Wants

Sirius Black smiled.

The Seventh Year student had many different smiles, but none quite as dangerous as this one. For this was not a pleasant smile of greeting, or a warm smile of affection, or even the flirty smile that made the girls (and some of the boys) of Hogwarts swoon.

No, this smile was the one smile that his friends, Remus Lupin and Peter Pettigrew hated seeing on his face because it usually meant a good long stretch of detentions for them. James Potter was the only Marauder who loved it when Sirius smiled that wicked smile - he had one quite similar that also drew groans of frustration from his more ethical friends.

But all of his friends were too preoccupied to see this smile spread across Sirius' face today which suited the brunette just fine.

This was the smile of a man formulating a plan that none of his friends would ever know about.

This was the smile of a man who was determined that, by any means necessary, he would get what he wanted.

And what Sirius Black wanted, more badly than he'd ever wanted anything before, was a brown-haired werewolf named Remus Lupin.

It had started a month ago - the second Saturday back at school after their summer holidays. Well, actually, it had probably started long before that, but it was only four short weeks ago that Sirius' conscious mind had finally registered what his body had been struggling, till now in vain, to tell him.

He'd woken up that morning feeling as if he'd been bashed about the head with a Beater's bat. Groaning loudly, he fell back onto his pillows, clutching at his pounding skull.

_'Whatssup, Pazz?' Remus mumbled around the quill he was holding between his teeth, staring at the groaning boy._

'Sick,' he moaned, throwing a hand over his face. 'So sick.'

A suspicious Remus stood up, slamming the lid of the trunk he'd been bent over and making Sirius wince as the sound reverberated inside his skull. 'This doesn't have anything to do with the fact you agreed to help me with our Potions essay today, does it?' he asked with an arched eyebrow as he walked over to Sirius' bed.

Then he caught sight of the other boy's pale face. 'Oh, you really are sick, aren't you?'

Sirius nodded as Remus sat down on the edge of the bed. 'Do you have a temperature?' Remus asked, pushing Sirius' hand out of the way and replacing it with his own cooler one.

Sirius moaned a little at the touch; the gentle hand soothing his aching head.

'You're a little hot,' Remus murmured and even sick, Sirius couldn't resist.

'I'm a lot hot,' he muttered faintly. 'Just ask any girl in this school. And some of the boys.'

Remus snorted and removed his hand, Sirius moaning again, this time in disappointment at the loss.  
'You must be sick,' he said, folding his arms. 'You're suffering delusions.'

Sirius could only grunt as his head throbbed.

'You want me to take you to the Hospital Wing?' Remus asked in concern when Sirius didn't bite back.

'No,' he whispered, reaching out for the cool hand that had felt so good on his heated forehead. 'Just stay with me?'

And Remus had stayed, getting comfortable in bed beside Sirius. As his head hit the pillow next to Sirius', Remus put one hand back on the other boy's hot forehead. Sirius had let out an incoherent mumble of gratitude and closed his eyes. As he drifted back off to sleep, he had been sure he felt gentle fingers comb through his hair.

He'd slept for a while and when he woke up - just before lunch according to his clock - the headache was gone, but Remus was still there. He'd fallen asleep as well, his hand dropping from Sirius' forehead to his chest. Sirius had reached out to shake his shoulder, to wake him, but instead he'd found himself stroking a finger over the most prominent scar on the other boy's face - a touch Remus surely would have never allowed if he'd been awake. He was sensitive about his scars - Sirius knew when he'd carved this particular one into his own flesh last year, he'd been far more upset than he'd let on. He thought the marks were ugly, but Sirius disagreed. They added character, an earthiness to a face that was almost ethereal in its beauty and now, Sirius could only stare at the other boy, barely drawing breath as he drank in the imperfectness of the flawed face that somehow made Remus oh-so-perfect.

Sirius' stomach slowly somersaulted and he had been very glad that Remus was still asleep, sure the other boy would be able to feel his madly thumping heart through the wall of his chest, would see the confusion written all over his face. He'd felt a little strange around his quiet friend over the summer holidays, finding that he was _noticing_ Remus in ways he hadn't before: his skin prickling when they sat next to each other, swarms of butterflies taking flight in his stomach when they brushed against each other, and it had suddenly started to became a little harder to breathe whenever Remus laughed.

Remus moved and Sirius quickly removed his hand from his cheek. When Remus awoke, he was confused for a second, his eyes searching the canopy and curtains then, when they fell upon Sirius, Remus' whole face lit up in a smile.

 _That_ was the moment Sirius finally acknowledged that niggling feeling that had been sitting deep in his gut for a number of weeks now.

He wanted Remus.

'How am I supposed to know who to hook you up with, Moony?' Sirius complained yet again after Remus thwarted his attempts to get him to compliment either Jeff Marshall's arse or Jenny Kline's boobs. The mystery that was Remus' sexual orientation was driving him _insane_! Remus was a teenager. He had to have some kind of sex drive - didn't he?

'You're _supposed_ to keep your nose out of my love life,' Remus replied absently, twisting a lock of that silky-looking sandy hair as he read.

'Or lack thereof,' Sirius muttered, eyes on those long fingers as they moved. 'You're still a… _virgin_ , aren't you?.'

He whispered the 'V' word as if it was something to be ashamed of, eyes darting around to ensure no one had heard the accusation.

Remus still refused to look up, although a pink flush spread quite attractively across his cheeks. 'I'm not ashamed of the fact I'm not a slut,' he murmured, turning the page. 'Yes, I'm a virgin and I plan on remaining that way until I find someone I want to give it up for.'

Sirius contemplated Remus for a long moment then grinned. 'I'm going to make it my mission to get you laid before the year is up. And if I can't find anyone up to the task of de-flowering you, I'll bloody well do it myself.'

Remus just snorted, his eyes never leaving his book and it was then that the germ of the plan was implanted and he smiled that aforementioned wicked smile that, had Remus looked up, would have sent a shiver of dread down his spine.

Remus was going to lose his virginity, but not to some big-boobed bird, or inept bloke. No, it would be he, Sirius Black, who was going to have the pleasure of taking the other boy's innocence.  
And, hopefully, Remus would see fit to return the favour and, itch finally scratched, end Sirius' obsession with the brown-haired boy. He was sure that sexual frustration and pure and simple curiosity were the reasons for his newly developed obsession with everything Remus, and letting Remus be the one to take his virginity should solve that pesky butterfly problem.

Claiming the werewolf's virginity was just icing on the cake.

But first, he had to figure out a way to get the sexually ambiguous werewolf to give him a hint as to his preferences so he could figure out just how hard this battle for the other boy was going to have to be fought.

It was a well-known fact amongst the students of Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry that Sirius Black liked boys and girls.

'Love knows no boundaries,' he declared to a fairly shocked James, Remus and Peter late last year after they caught him looking at a dirty magazine that had definitely not come from their rather extensive collection of porn. 'The heart wants what it wants. Although, I draw the line at the Giant Squid, or worse, Snivellus…'

James had been stunned into uncharacteristic silence by the revelation that the notorious ladies' man wanted other men; Peter just shrugged - he had his ear to the ground in his rat form and had already seen Sirius doing something far more disturbing with that magazine; Remus had flushed, but quickly shaken off his surprise to assure his friend that he was absolutely fine with it and was only surprised Sirius hadn't figured out earlier that being bisexual almost doubled his sexual options.

Sirius was relieved by the responses of his best friends, especially after James finally found his tongue to stammer out that he didn't care who Sirius shagged as long as he didn't have to catch a glimpse of any of it. He'd taken a chance letting them 'catch' him with the magazine, knowing there was no way he could just blurt it out, that he'd chicken out as he had on several previous occasions. Remus, with his usual bewilderingly accurate insight, had sensed his insecurity and sat with him that night for a minute before he went to his own bed.

The other boy murmured that he admired Sirius for having the courage to tell them and gave him the stilted and blushing counsel: _'As you're cutting a swath through the students of Hogwarts, for Merlin's sake, be safe, Padfoot. I'd hate to see your bits fall off from some horrible disease'_.

Sirius had smiled and put his hand on the other boy's leg and thanked him for _'being so concerned about my bits, Moony'_.

Actually, now that Sirius thought about it, _that_ had been when he'd first noticed those damn butterflies.

Having finally come out to his friends, Sirius made his preferences (or lack of them) known to the rest of the student body by summoning his considerable bravado and kissing a startled, but not unwilling Calvin Thomas in the middle of the hall during class change-over one day. Since then, he'd almost been able to take his pick of the students at Hogwarts, disturbing his friends with the steady stream of persons of both sexes that flowed through their dorm room for the last couple of months of their Sixth Year.

'It's like a bloody revolving door,' James grumbled, after Sirius had walked his latest bed partner to the door. 'No wonder you've been too tired to prank, Pads. I'm surprised you can walk with all that pounding your arse must take.'

Sirius grinned as he walked to the bathroom. 'Do I seem like the submissive type to you, Prongs?' he asked with a flamboyant wink and he wriggled his backside at his friends before disappearing into the bathroom.

He snorted as he turned on the shower. He knew the others thought he was shagging his little heart out almost every night but in truth, when it came to being intimate with a man, he was still a pure-as-the-driven-snow virgin. It wasn't for lack of opportunity - each time the moment arrived he'd been turned on and his partner had always been more than willing, but it had never felt right to take that next step. It wasn't from lack of choice - it turned out that there were a large number of Hogwarts males that were… curious - for want of a better word - and he certainly had a smörgåsbord of choices, but there was a little voice in his head that told him to wait, that just wouldn't let him throw his virginity away on a meaningless screw.

Not again.

It had to be the right person this time.

And now, after a sexually barren summer in which he'd noticed exactly how attractive Remus' arse was, it was becoming disturbingly clear that the very annoying, mood-breaking little voice had decided that the right person for the job of popping his cherry was his aforementioned friend.

This decision was even more maddening when he considered that Remus, in a complete contrast to himself, had never shown much of an interest in _either_ sex, a fact which both intrigued and frustrated Sirius to no end. Why, out of all the available and extremely willing blokes in the castle, did he have to want the one he couldn't work out?

It's not that I don't _want_ to get laid,' Remus thought as he lay staring unseeingly up at the canopy over his bed.

He'd been thinking about his exchange with Sirius earlier that night, wondering in a slight panic if the other boy was serious about his threat to find someone to rid him of his virginity - or to do it himself. He _did_ want to have sex; quite badly actually. He was rapidly wanting more intimacy than that he shared with his right hand on an almost nightly basis, but the problem was that he couldn't work out exactly what _gender_ he wanted the person that he shared this intimacy with to be.

Remus knew his ambiguity frustrated the hell out of Sirius, and that his friends shook their heads despairingly over his lack of enthusiasm for the set-ups they so thoughtfully arranged for him. He appreciated their efforts on his behalf, but he just couldn't summon any enthusiasm at the prospect of another lackluster grope with a girl that every other red blooded man in the castle was lusting after. It all just made him even more painfully aware of how abnormal his disinterest was.

The problem was that he was indecisive. He just couldn't decide whether he was attracted to the soft, rounded curves of the female of the species or the harder, sharper angles of his fellow man. To be honest, neither held his interest for too long. Oh, there were individual features he could appreciate in either sex - nice legs, great lips, pretty eyes, cute arse…but nothing that set his loins on fire like the romance books his mother read described. (Yes, alright - he'd snuck a look _once_.)

He wondered if he wasn't a visual kind of person, perhaps being more…animalistic, more primeval than other boys, his attraction would be more instinctive, more 'wolfish'. Animals used scent to find a mate, so he tried relying on his own well-developed sense of smell, hoping that the differing perfumes of the sexes would spark a reaction in his heart as well as his body. But that experiment had just become disturbing as he sniffed and sniffed until James had asked him if he was feeling quite alright and did he think he might need to see the nurse for that problem he was obviously having?

Straight would be so much easier. If he just tried to feel _something_ with girls… Life had stacked the odds so high against him already, he didn't need another hurdle to leap. But he had simply not found a girl as yet that did anything for him that came close to stimulating, although, to his slightly shameful relief, neither did any of the guys with whom he'd secretly gone on dates.

It wasn't for lack of trying. He'd had his hand down girl's knickers, trying desperately to be enjoying the sounds of her orgasm, had given and received hand jobs - even gotten a blow job from a particularly enthusiastic Seventh Year last year, but his orgasm had been flat and unsatisfying and he'd made excuses to never see any of them again. He'd never told his friends about these nocturnal excursions - instead muttering the all too easily accepted excuse of studying in the library when he had a clandestine date.

If he ruled out straight, gay and bisexual as options that just left… eunuch. He still had his balls (a hand snuck between his legs briefly just to reassure himself) but he was certainly ineffectual when it came to all things sexual, his incompetence only bought into sharper focus by his roommates' escapades.

_For Merlin's sake, even Pete's getting some._

He frowned, remembering his immediate urge to poke his no longer innocent eyes out after he and James caught the naked Marauder with his equally as naked girlfriend recently (He was still not altogether unsure the discovery was a complete accident; Peter liked to keep up with James and Sirius in _all_ aspects.)

But neither Peter with his thickish, but not terrible body, nor Marion with her rather large breasts, had done a damn thing for him as they writhed together before Remus' squeak and James' gasp had broken them apart.

He didn't know whether to be relieved or frustrated about that fact.

Even the fantasies that had spurred an unnatural relationship with his right hand couldn't help make up his mind - the person his mind conjured was neutral. It was more of an aura, a ghost of a person that seemed vaguely familiar and did incredibly hot things to him, but remained frustratingly genderless the entire time.

_I'm not asking a lot - just a general idea of the sex I should be leaning towards…_

Remus sighed, rolling onto his side. 'Why can't I be more like Sirius?' he thought sulkily. 'He has no problem experimenting with anything that has two legs. He isn't waiting for the right person. I should take a leaf out of his book. I mean, is the first time really that big of a deal? Maybe I should just force myself to do it. Find a willing partner of any sex and get it over with.'

But he knew he wouldn't. Despite the disbelieving look he got from Sirius tonight, he knew he wanted his first time to be with someone he not only was attracted to but who he trusted, that he cared about.

_Gods, Moony! You are such a fucking sop!_

He could actually hear Sirius' voice saying the words derisively in his head.

'Am I really abnormal because I don't know what I want?' he wondered, gnawing at his lip. 'Don't other people have this problem?'

But he suspected this was a problem unique to himself - at least amongst his immediate circle of friends. James, Lily and Peter were definitely, inarguably straight; Sirius was a bit more indiscriminate, but at least he freely admitted he couldn't make up his mind which sex he preferred and spread the love fairly evenly.

He frowned as he thought of his friend. His exploits were fast becoming legend at Hogwarts, but Remus could see that Sirius was unsatisfied, unhappy. He hadn't been as boastful about his conquests for several weeks now and Remus secretly believed that his promiscuity had less to do with sexual gratification and more to do with his desire to feel loved regardless of where the affection and attention came from.

_We all need to be loved._

Sirius, with his horrible, unloving family wasn't the only one who felt that emptiness inside - Remus did too, but tried to fill it with books and study and friends instead of a steady stream of lovers. He cleared his throat, fidgeting a little. Sometimes he heard the activities that went on behind those scarlet curtains and he found himself wondering what it would be like to be so intimate with another person - male or female.

_What would it feel like to have someone else's hands stroking over your body? To feel lips caressing and hot breath teasing? To be inside someone else's body or to have someone become a part of yours? To reach that place where nothing else in the world matters but you and them, and how you are making each other feel?_

His cock stiffened and he moaned in frustration even as his hand sought out that hard flesh. His eyes closed with the first stroke and the sexless phantom appeared. It wrapped its ghostly hand around Remus' shaft and together they tugged as Remus' imagination went into overdrive.

_What did Sirius do behind those curtains? Did he touch his partner of the moment like this? Wrap his hand around a hard cock; put his mouth on it?_

His mind filled; images of Sirius and an imaginary, faceless lover writhing and panting together quickly sending him to the edge. He had just reached the end of his tolerance when Fantasy Sirius shifted, revealing his partner's face and with a shocked gasp, Remus realised it was him. Heat surged through his body as Fantasy Remus slammed his cock into Fantasy Sirius' arse, and the flesh and blood werewolf let out an involuntary moan of pleasure as he came longer and harder than ever before.

'Merlin, Moony! Heard of Silencing Spells?'

Remus groaned, breathing still harsh as he tried to recover from the powerful orgasm. The last person he'd want to hear him wanking right now had to be the one to call him on it. He waited for James or Peter to add their two Knuts worth, but realised they were asleep when he heard snores and snuffling emanating from their beds.

'Sorry,' he rasped when he could string a sentence together. 'Forgot…spells. Sorry.'

Sirius chuckled softly and as Remus reached for his wand to clean up, he heard him say quietly, 'We all do it, Remus. Don't worry about it.'

There was quiet as Remus cast a silent _Scourify_ over himself and replaced his wand on the bedside table then Sirius' voice drifted across to him again.

'Who… who were you thinking of, Moony? I ask purely for research purposes. I'm supposed to be getting you laid, but I don't even know if you like boys or girls. You've kept me wondering for over six years. Don't you think it's time you gave me a hint?'

Remus thought for a moment. That had been the most incredible climax he'd ever bought himself to, and he suddenly realised that tonight had been the first time his spectral lover had been very clearly of a particular gender. He wasn't sure whether it was the endorphins still flooding through him or the lateness of the hour, but before he knew what he was doing…

'Pads?'

'Yeah?'

'If I told you that I was thinking of another boy, would you hate me?'

There was a long moment of silence in which Remus clenched his eyes shut tight then a disembodied response floated across the dorm to him.

'I could never hate you, Moony.'


	2. 2

_How am I going to get him to want me?_

This question occupied Sirius' mind the next day as he drifted aimlessly through meals and lessons, paying no attention to anyone but Remus who was obviously finding this rapt attentiveness slightly disturbing by dinner time.

'Padfoot, do I have something on my face? You're staring at me,' he said softly during dessert and Sirius was shaken out of his reverie.

'Ah, yeah,' he covered, reaching up and wiping gently at an imaginary smudge on his cheek. 'There ya go. Gone.'

He bent over his food, telling himself to be a bit more subtle while he shook his hand under the table, his fingers feeling warm where they'd brushed Remus' soft skin.

_Merlin, I want him._

His plan's first hurdle had been cleared - Remus was gay. Or at least bisexual. He'd wanked thinking about another guy at any rate so that pretty much ruled out inexorably straight. So, now that he knew he had the right equipment…

'I suppose the next thing to do is find out if I'm his type,' he mused to himself later, staring at Remus as he played a game of chess with Peter next to the fire in the common room.

The bright orange flames created a warm, golden glow, highlighting the red and gold streaks woven through Remus' brown hair. Sirius found this discovery of the hidden depths of Remus' hair far more fascinating than he should have and stared until a disconcerted Remus turned to him and frowned.

'Alright there, Sirius?'

'Hmm?'

'Did you want me for something?'

_Gods, do I ever!_

'Er, no. Just…staring. At nothing in particular…'

Remus looked befuddled, but turned back to the chess board and Sirius tried to concentrate on the open Charms textbook in his lap, looking up periodically to check on the progress of the game and to sneak a peak at Remus.

_Be cool about this Black. It's not like you want to marry him - you want to shag him, you want him to shag you. Concentrate on your task._

Half an hour later, he stretched as Remus' queen was beheaded by Peter's piece and the blonde crowed in triumph.

'Yeah, yeah, alright, Pete,' Remus chuckled good-naturedly. 'You're still the undisputed champion. Congratulations.'

He stood up with a yawn and mumbled something about going to bed as he winced, muscles obviously still aching from last week's transformation.

'I'm going up now too,' Sirius said quickly, seeing Remus' alarmed glance at him and biting back his grin. Remus had steadfastly avoided being alone in Sirius' presence all day. Sirius knew he was embarrassed about being caught wanking last night and that he would not want to be alone with him now.

Sure enough, as soon as they entered the dorm, Remus headed for the adjoining bathroom.

'Night, Padfoot,' he called but before he could close the door, Sirius had slipped inside and was staring at Remus' mortified face with a grin on his own.

_I am not leaving this bathroom until I know his type._

Remus nearly groaned aloud in frustration as Sirius grinned at him. He knew damn well what Sirius wanted to talk about and it was the last thing Remus wanted to discuss with his friend.

'Um, I kind of want some privacy,' Remus muttered, his face flushing but Sirius just grinned.

'No, you kind of want to avoid me,' he corrected and Remus sighed, deciding to just bite the bullet.  
'Look, last night…'

'When I overheard your private moment…,' Sirius teased and Remus bit his lip.

'Sirius… I… am…'

'Gay?' the brunette finished for him with a raised eyebrow but Remus looked pained, turning from him.

'I don't know,' he said softly. 'I…I haven't met _anyone_ I'm all that attracted to - male or female. I said that last night because it was a boy I was thinking about while I was…'

He cleared his throat, wondering as he felt his face burn exactly how red a face could get before it spontaneously burst into flames.

'You jerked off thinking about a person of the male persuasion, Moony,' Sirius said with a grin. 'I think that makes your proclivities fairly clear.'

'The thing is,'Remus said hastily, 'I think I like girls too.'

_Despite all evidence to the contrary so far._

Sirius' smile broadened. 'Well, so do I,' he said brightly. 'Twice the fun.'

Remus smiled weakly at him. He didn't like lying to his friend but he wasn't ready to admit to anyone that, yes, he was indeed a gay werewolf. He couldn't be absolutely certain that he didn't like girls and he wasn't ready to hammer the final nail into the coffin that held the last vestiges of his heterosexuality.

Remus still looked worried and Sirius cocked his head. 'It's alright, you know,' he said softly. 'If you like blokes. You know I don't care who you shag as long as you're happy doing it. You were so good to me when I came out, Remus. You don't think I'd judge you, do you?'

Remus let out a little breath of amusement and relief and smiled gratefully. 'No, I don't,' he whispered, looking down at his shoes. 'I just… I'm really not sure what's happening with me right now.'

Sirius nodded, and Remus knew that Sirius understood how confusing this first realisation could be. Sirius was staring at him sympathetically, and Remus was about to ask him to leave him to his night time toilette when his expression became mischievous. Remus had learned from bitter experience to be immediately suspicious.

'What, Padfoot?'

'Huh?'

'You look like you're up to something.'

Sirius shook his head, raven hair flipping into his face. 'Have some faith, Moony. I'm as innocent as a babe in arms.'

Remus harrumphed, almost offended that Sirius expected him to believe this, and waited for the other boy to reveal his hand.

'So, what did this dream guy look like?' Sirius asked, a little smile playing on his lips as he slid up onto the vanity and made himself look completely at home. 'The one you were thinking about last night?'

Remus groaned. He should have known Sirius wouldn't just let it go. Sirius must have sensed his reluctance because he grinned and said in a wheedling tone, 'Come on, Moony. I need to know your type if I'm going to fix you up.'

His words were like a jolt as it suddenly hit Remus that it had been _Sirius_ in his dream. After spending so long wondering if he was completely asexual, it was such a relief to finally find _someone_ that aroused him that he hadn't quite comprehended until now that the man that had driven him so satisfactory to orgasm had been the very image of his best friend.

'I don't think I have a type,' Remus mumbled, sure he was about to explode from the overload of blood to his head as, horrified by both his realisation and the prospect of being set up, he stared at his friend. 'And I don't want to be fixed up.'

'Course you do,' Sirius said confidently. 'I told you, Moony. It's my mission to get you laid this year.'

'And what if I don't _want_ you to get me laid, Padfoot?' Remus snapped. 'What if I just want to organise my own sex life?'

'You're doing a pretty shit job of it so far,' Sirius snorted. 'You've got all of Hogwarts to choose from and you haven't managed it once. Well, you've got no excuses now you know what your type is. So, tell me about this guy who managed to make you moan last night.'

Remus stifled a groan. Sirius really did have an annoying talent of accurately pinpointing the very topic Remus least wanted to discuss and harping on about it until he got the answers he wanted. It usually was much more efficient to just give him what he wanted straight away but right now Remus couldn't think of anything worse than giving Sirius this information.

'It wasn't anyone we know,' Remus lied. 'Just…a generic _person_ \- no one specific.'

'Well… hair colour, eye colour, height, body type, voice…?' Sirius asked, holding his hand flat and palm up as he mimicked holding a quill over it. 'I'm taking notes.'

Remus chuckled despite himself and turned away, flipping on the taps in the shower and hoping Sirius would take the hint. 'Um, dark hair - brown or something, didn't see any eye colour. I was facing… ah…at the wrong angle or something…'

Sirius must be using some kind of Occulmency because he knew exactly what Remus was not saying. Or perhaps it was from experience…

'Hmm, must like to top…' Sirius noted, poking his tongue between his lips as he mimed concentrating on taking notes while watching Remus through his eyelashes. 'Interesting. Wouldn't have picked you for a bottom, Moony. You like being in control far too much.'

Remus sighed, trying to ignore Sirius' words - his teasing seemed to have a disturbing effect on his lower extremities.

Sirius grinned and waved his hand. 'Keep going,' he encouraged. 'You haven't given me a whole lot to go on.'

He may as well get it over with. Turning back to face Sirius, the words rushed out. ''Bout my height…' Remus continued, surreptitiously measuring Sirius against himself and realising he was a fraction shorter than him.

'Maybe a bit shorter,' he amended in surprise. Sirius had always been taller than him - when did he start shrinking?

His hesitation made Sirius look up and he raised an eyebrow enquiringly. 'And…'

'A bit more muscled than me… although that requirement wouldn't exactly be hard to fulfill, I suppose.'

He looked despairingly at his thin, rangy frame, rubbing a hand over his chest and he sighed softly. 'Now, any chance I could have a shower without the inquisition?'

He looked up and saw darkened grey eyes fixed on the spot his hand was rubbing. 'You _are_ thin, Moony,' Sirius agreed, a strange, slightly predatory glint flashing in those orbs now. 'But you're strong and big muscles aren't a turn on for everyone. Some people like... leaner men. '

His gaze flicked up and met Remus' startled blue eyes. He must have seen Remus' confusion because Remus saw him fight back a smirk. He swallowed, trying to lubricate his suddenly dry throat. Sirius was looking at him like he looked at his latest prey. That couldn't be right. Sirius couldn't find him attractive...

'Sh… shower now?' he asked, hearing the roughness in his voice and, to his intense mortification, so did Sirius who stood up slowly, eyes holding Remus' as he slid off the vanity and took a step closer.

'Why, Moony,' he said, the timbre of his voice changing. It was suddenly deep and rich and, _oh fuck_ , as sexy as hell, and the smooth, dulcet tones flowed down Remus' spine as smoothly as silk over skin. 'I thought you'd never ask.'

A squeak emanated from Remus' lips and Sirius smiled _that_ smile - that wicked, mesmeric smile that _no one_ said no to and he was so close that Remus could feel his breath warming his cheek.

'W… what?' he stuttered, heart pounding so loudly and violently that surely Sirius would be able to hear it, if not _see_ it thumping in his chest.

'Weren't you inviting me into your shower?' Sirius teased, his hand coming up to tug playfully at a button that was a mere inch away from Remus' now far more pronounced crotch.

Remus opened and closed his mouth, hoping that somehow a coherent, _appropriate_ sentence would manage to form and slip out.

'I…I…er….'

Sirius' gaze became contemplative and his eyes moved to Remus' lips . 'Dark haired, muscled…' he murmured, repeating Remus' earlier words, his eyes flicking up, measuring their heights against each other.

Remus' heart paused in its rapid beating as a slow smile spread across Sirius' face and he looked Remus in the eye again. '…about your height, maybe a little shorter,' he said softly. 'Likes to top…well, I'm not sure about that one yet, but otherwise, your nocturnal lover sounds very familiar… Remus.'

Sirius' tongue lingered over his name and the sibilant drawing out of the 's' did strange, but oh-so-nice things to Remus' knees, not to mention what it did to his…

'So how about that shower?'

_Holy shit, did his hand just brush over my cock?_

'Padfoot? Moony?'

Peter's voice broke the spell that had been holding them frozen on the spot, and Remus' brain finally kicked in. He leaped backwards, his back slamming into the tiled wall in his rush to get as far away from Sirius as possible.

Sirius chuckled and called out, 'Coming!' before giving Remus a once over, his gaze lingering longer than necessary on his crotch.

'Pity,' he drawled, grinning at Remus. 'Rain check?'

He winked flirtatiously before turning around and leaving the room, a suddenly weak-kneed Remus sliding down the wall to sit, confused and so very aroused on the cold bathroom floor.

_'Remus.'_

The moan made Remus' skin heat up until he thought he would combust. 'Sirius…' he whispered, dragging his lips down over the brunette's stomach, his hand curling around the other man's long, proud erection.

Another moan rent the air and Remus had enough of his teasing and shifted fast, closing his mouth over the tip of Sirius' cock, sucking lightly before he circled the head with his tongue.

'Fuck, how do you know how to do that?' Sirius growled then gasped as the majority of his length slid inside Remus' mouth.

'Gods, Remus,' he murmured, his hands sliding into silky, sandy hair and Remus hummed around his mouthful of flesh.

Sirius cursed loudly as he arched up and Remus was surprised by the sudden orgasm but drank every last drop released eagerly, just wanting Sirius to keep repeating his name like he was now.

'Remus, Remus…'

'Remus! For Merlin's sake, will you get your hairy arse up!'

Remus' eyes snapped open and he felt the blood rushing from where it was currently being stored (south of the border) to his cheeks when he saw Sirius' smirking face hovering above him.

'Bad dream, Moony?' he asked blithely, moving away from the bed. 'You were moaning and thrashing…'

'I'm fine,' Remus snapped, sitting up and trying to surreptitiously shove his hands into his lap to check how much damage had been done to his bedding.

To his relief, his sheets were dry but there was a tent in his boxers that could have housed an entire platoon of boy scouts and that needed dealing with in one of two ways. As the first and most pleasurable option was being thwarted by his friend's presence, he opted for the only other choice - waiting it out.

Just a week ago, he was lamenting the fact that he found no one attractive and now… well, now it was if the gods of lust and sex had heard his complaining and had decided to retaliate by giving him the most impossible person to lust after - constantly and ardently. It was like a switch had been flipped and now, just the sound of Sirius' voice, the flash of a smile, his very fucking _name_ was enough to have Remus panting with need.

_Why him? Why one of my best friends? Is this because I ate that last piece of chocolate cake then lied to Mum about it?_

Sirius was watching him with his head cocked and Remus tried not to look as though he'd just been imagining himself with a mouthful of the other boy's dick.

'You alright, Moony? You've gone a funny colour.'

'Why are you waking me at the crack of dawn, Padfoot?' he mumbled, ignoring the question and stifling a yawn as he peered out the window.

To his surprise, light was streaming into the dorm, shining down on Sirius, giving him a glowing halo atop his dark hair that he certainly didn't deserve. Particularly when he had that wicked, _sinful_ glint in his eye that suggested he knew exactly what and who Remus had been dreaming about that had been making him moan and thrash about.

'It is nine o'clock, Mr Prefect,' Sirius teased, crossing his arms as he lounged against Remus' bedpost. 'Crack of dawn for me, but I was beginning to think that you must have lapsed into some kind of coma and I'd have to get my mourning clothes out.'

Remus frowned then feeling he'd deflated enough to enable him to stand up, pushed himself out of bed. 'You're not allowed to come to my funeral,' he muttered, gathering toiletries and clean clothes. 'You'd only try and steal the limelight by dancing on my coffin.'

'Naked, Moony,' Sirius corrected with a grin. 'Dancing on your coffin _naked_.'

Remus tried not to groan at the image of a naked and, as he'd witnessed with his own eyes, very fit Sirius that invaded his mind, and instead bent over to rummage in a drawer for jeans.

'Nice,' he heard Sirius murmur appreciatively and, still bent over, he peered under his arm to see what had caught the other boy's eye.

He shot upright and spun around hastily when he realised that the grey eyes were, in fact, fixed on his arse.

'Fucking hell, Padfoot,' he muttered, turning fire engine red and bolting for the bathroom, Sirius' deep throated chuckles drifting after him.

Sirius watched the door close behind Remus and threw himself onto the rumpled bed with a grin. He enjoyed flirting with girls, but had always found his interactions with other boys to be more straightforward. But with Remus…Well, he couldn't help teasing him. He looked adorable with his just-rolled-out-of-bed hair, soft, sleepy eyes, and the lingering scent that reached Padfoot's sensitive nose - evidence of exactly what kind of moaning, thrashing dream he'd been having. It was the same scent that Sirius was now trying to immerse himself in as he dug deeper into Remus' bedclothes. It was grass and fresh air and _man_ , and Sirius could feel himself getting hard as he buried himself in the mound of blankets, closing his eyes so he could concentrate on breathing in Remus.

He was sure after his questioning of Remus in the bathroom a couple of days ago that the other boy found him attractive. But finding someone attractive and actually agreeing to sleep with them were poles apart in Remusland and Sirius had to know for sure if he was in with a serious (no pun intended) chance. His conscience gnawed at him and Sirius wondered if he should think this through more. Remus was his friend after all. Sex could confuse things…

_Or it could make things even better._

He buried his face in Remus pillow and felt a throb in his groin as the unique scent tickled his nose. Until he resolved this desire, he would keep obsessing about Remus. If he made it clear to Remus that it was physical, that he and Remus were obviously attracted to each other and that they could solve each other's virginity problem…

Sirius closed his eyes and moaned softly as pornographic images of him and Remus writhing naked in this very bed assaulted him. He was deep into his fantasy – and into Remus, in fact – when he heard the tentative voice...

'Sirius?'

'Mmm…'

'What are you doing in my bed?'

''m waiting for you, Moony.'

'Ngh!'

Remus let out a noise he'd never heard before as Sirius, eyes still closed, wrapped an arm around his neck and pulled him down on top of him. Their heads nearly clashed as Remus landed in a tangle of limbs on Sirius' chest.

His very muscular chest.

'Shit!'

Remus yelped as his crotch rubbed against the other boy's and he realised that - _Sweet Circe_ \- Sirius was _hard_. He panicked as his own cock reacted to the contact and pushed himself onto his hands and knees, unable to completely shift off the bed as Sirius had hold of his shirt.

'Remus, you're killing the romance,' Sirius scolded playfully, opening his eyes and staring directly into Remus'. He smiled softly, gently, and Remus' heart started hammering double time.

_Gods, he is gorgeous._

'Hi. You smell good,' Sirius whispered, his breath ghosting over Remus' skin, between his lips, finding its way into his lungs and his bloodstream until all Remus could feel was _Sirius_ pumping through his veins.

The grey eyes darkened to near black and flashed with desire and need, and Remus felt a corresponding surge of want in himself. He unconsciously let his body drop until they were touching from mid-chest to knee and there was no hiding the effect that the other boy had on him. Sirius' tongue slipped out to wet his lips and Remus had to fight not to lean down and let his own trail over that flesh.

'Remus,' Sirius whispered hoarsely as the hands clutching Remus' shirt loosened their hold.

Remus shivered violently as fingers slipped underneath the fabric, brushing lightly over his hip bones. When Sirius felt the tremor, his hands cupped Remus' hips, gripping tight and pulling him harder against his own lower body. Their erections rubbed together, friction still delicious even through their jeans, and a very dog-like whine escaped Remus' lips.

He could feel the wolf inside urging him to pounce, to claim the man underneath him, and it scared him that it was making its presence felt when the moon was still two weeks away. Another whimper escaped him as Sirius arched up a little, echoed by the other boy as their cocks ground against each other, and Remus tried to fight the determined and apparently horny wolf back.

'Remus,' Sirius gasped again and this time, there was a slightly more desperate edge to his voice.

Remus let out the breath he'd been unaware he was holding and his face was suddenly too close to Sirius' - he could have counted every single eyelash if he wasn't so busy looking at the other boy's lips. He was so close, he could almost taste Sirius and then those eyes fluttered shut and Remus was just about _there_ …

'Are you two poofs just starting or finishing because I really don't want my virgin eyes exposed to what would no doubt be shagging of the most depraved kind?'

Remus rolled right off Sirius and onto the floor, landing with a loud thud as Sirius shot up, blinking.

'We…were…'

'I could _see_ what you were doing, Padfoot. I have eyes,' James scolded from the doorway. 'Although right now I wish I could scratch them out.'

He glanced at Remus, who was struggling off the floor and trying to hide his still-throbbing erection, then narrowed his eyes at Sirius who had the grace to look guilty in the face of the silent admonishment.

'I need your help with a prank of epic proportions, Pads,' James said, pointedly glaring at Sirius. 'So stop groping Remus and start performing your duties as the Head Boy's right hand man.'

'Right hand man!' Sirius snorted but stood up, thankful he was wearing a long shirt as his hard on was still rampant. 'You don't have the talent to pull these pranks off without me.'

James rolled his eyes then gave a now upright Remus a smile. 'Next time he tries to molest you, Moony, just scream and Pete and I will come running to protect your honour,' he said and Remus tried to laugh it off.

'I'll do that,' he said, glad his voice didn't sound any different. 'Wouldn't want rabies or anything.'

'You mangy werewolf!' Sirius cried, hand over his heart as he feigned devastation. 'What happened to canine loyalty?'

'Disappeared when you started dry humping his leg, I would assume, Padfoot,' James said wryly then jerked his head towards the stairs. 'Let's go. I'd invite you as well, Moony, but you'd feel honour bound to try and stop us or something and I'd hate to put you in such an awkward position.'

Remus let out a breath of laughter. 'You always have my moral integrity foremost in your mind, Prongs. Thank you.'

With a chuckle, James disappeared down the stairs and Sirius turned back to look at him before he followed.

'We okay?' he asked, his cheeks flushing a little and Remus nodded jerkily.

'Sure, we were just mucking around, right?' he replied and was surprised to see hurt flash across Sirius' face before he hid it behind a winning smile.

'Of course,' he agreed then waved before thundering down the staircase, leaving a shaky Remus to collapse onto his bed with a loud groan.

_Well, there's no doubt about it now._

'I'm gay,' he said aloud. 'I'm a gay werewolf who's got the hots for his best friend.'

_That's just fucking great!_


	3. 3

The two Marauders made it all the way to the grounds before James felt in control enough to not hit his friend. Walking in on Sirius and Remus in the position they'd been in had startled him. Not because of their proximately or the position they'd been in - it wasn't the first time he'd come into the dorm to see his roommates knotted together in various wrestling poses or draped provocatively all over each other - but because of the intimacy and tension that had been thick in the air, because of the little moans he'd heard from both his friends, and Sirius' breathy recitation of Remus' name.

It was because of the feeling he'd got walking in on them; the feeling that he'd seen something private, something that he shouldn't have seen. Mucking around for the Marauders always included physical contact and plenty of it, but seeing his mates fooling about, even when the play included sexual innuendo, had never made him feel like an intruder.

Until now.

'What exactly do you think you're doing, Sirius?' James asked as they walked over the still dew-damp grass, his voice more sober and serious than Sirius had ever heard it before.

'Well at the moment, I'm contemplating Matt Callum's rather fine arse…' he said blithely, but his attempt at ignorance failed.

'Quit playing stupid. You know damn well I'm talking about Moony.'

'Nothing. I'm not doing anything…'

James grabbed his arm tightly, bringing Sirius to an abrupt halt. 'Don't screw around with Remus,' James warned fiercely, his hazel eyes boring into Sirius'. 'He's not one of your playthings, Padfoot. Don't treat him like that.'

'We were just mucking about…'

'Didn't look like that to me,' James retorted. 'I don't know what you're playing at, but just remember he's your friend; your friend who is obviously still trying to work out who he is and you could really mess things up. If you're genuinely interested in him, then you're going about getting his attention the wrong way. If you aren't and you're just playing with him then I'll fucking feed you to the Giant Squid - balls first.'

Sirius was about to make a sarcastic remark when he saw that James was deadly serious. All of the Marauders were protective of Remus. Sirius had seen that protectiveness from the other side last year as Peter and James all but hid Remus from him after what was now known as 'The Incident', and he saw it now in the fierceness of James' steady gaze. He'd been on the receiving end of James' and, surprisingly, Peter's fists because he'd hurt Remus and had no doubt looking into those hazel eyes now that James meant every word he said.

'Fine,' he said with a nod, deciding to be more subtle as he went about his plan to seduce Remus. 'No playing with Moony. Message received.'

Over the next few days, Remus tried to avoid being alone with an increasingly moody Sirius who kept throwing him knowing glances that screamed, 'I know exactly what you're doing and it won't work'. The distance meant that there were no more encounters such as the one on Remus' bed which was just as well because Remus discovered that his acceptance of his sexuality seemed to unleash something inside of him, something he was finding difficult to get back under control.

All of his attention, every single one of his senses, was tuned into Sirius, which was so damn frustrating. If his libido had just been waiting for Remus to make a decision regarding which sex turned him on, why wasn't it nipping at the heels of any number of attractive blokes that wandered the halls of Hogwarts? Why did it appear that, although his proclivities were now quite clear, Remus was still only attracted to one person?

He wondered about this as he turned off the taps after his morning shower. Was it possible to be only attracted to one person? Not even a type; just a person?

_Maybe I'm not gay. Maybe I'm Siriusexual._

He stepped out of the cubicle with a sigh, dragging the towel roughly over his body then throwing it down onto the bench. He'd woken to a rainy morning and an empty dorm, and had taken the opportunity to snatch a longer-than-usual shower. He wiped the condensation off the mirror so he could brush his hair then winced when he caught sight of his reflection in the mirror. He touched the largest scar on his ravaged chest lightly, letting his finger follow the trail of raised skin from shoulder to navel then screwed his face up in disgust.

_How can I ever let anyone see me naked? Maybe there's some merit in being asexual…_

With a deep sigh, he turned from the mirror then jumped in fright as the bathroom door slammed open, hitting the stone wall behind it with a loud crash before a soaking Sirius and James burst inside.

For six years, Remus had managed not to let his room mates see him in all his glory. Oh, they'd seen plenty - but the worst of the scars, the ugliest, he'd managed to keep to himself.

All that effort, ruined in one single moment.

'Get the hell out!' Remus quickly grabbed his boxers and held them over his groin as he flushed.  
'A locked door means a person wants some privacy…'

James' teeth were chattering as he tore at his wet, muddy clothes, pulling them off quickly with shaking hands. 'We are _dying_ , M… Moony! You can't expect us to s… stand dripping in the dorm waiting for you to finish up. We'll d… die from pneumonia.'

'That's _exactly_ what I expect.'

Remus yanked up his underwear fast then reached for his shirt. Why the hell had they chosen to hold Quidditch practice today in the pouring rain?

_Idiots._

'S…sorry, Remus.' Sirius added his tremulous apology, hands unbuckling his soaked pants then letting them drop to the tiled bathroom floor. 'But we are in m… more urgent need than you. We're f... freezing.'

Remus just made a growling noise as he tugged his shirt over his head. As his face was uncovered, he thought he saw Sirius quickly avert his eyes.

_Shit. He was looking at my scars._

Dragging his pants up, he prepared to admonish the boys again for their lack of respect for personal space, but the words dried up in his throat as Sirius' boxers hit the ground.

_Fuck me! He is fit!_

Perfect. That was the only way to describe Sirius' unblemished, toned and - _Sweet Merlin_ \- well-endowed body. Perfection.

There was movement in his still-unbuttoned trousers and his heart was pumping hard, sending blood south. Tearing his eyes away after what felt like hours, Remus fastened his fly with shaking hands and fled the room, throwing himself onto his bed. His hand moved to the now-covered bite mark on his leg and he winced.

_Well, that does it. Any attraction he might have had for me will be long gone now he's seen the fucking mess that is my body. Shit._

Sirius leaned his head against the cold tile in the shower cubicle, trying to force down his physical response to Remus' naked body. He'd been so cold earlier that it had taken a minute for his mind to process what he was seeing, but the frozen blood in his veins had now warmed under the hot water and rushed straight to his cock, making it as hard as stone. Remus had never let him or the others see his scars; after his transformations, he insisted on them waiting until he covered himself before they entered the room and pushed them out the door as soon as possible.

He'd told Remus once the scar on his face made him look rakish and dangerous - to which Remus had scoffed that he _was_ dangerous and it would behoove Sirius to remember that. He had never seen the scars that covered the rest of Remus' body though, but now he had, he was about as far from repulsed as a person could be.

_Unless repulsion includes a hard on that could crack rock._

He reached down with a sigh, wrapping a hand around his cock as recalled Remus' naked body - the scars, the lightly muscled arms, the flush that coloured his face and neck. All he seemed to do these days was wank in the shower over Remus; he had to try and move his plan to seduce the other boy along.

_If for no other reason than to avoid a nasty sprain in my wrist._

Remus lay on his bed, staring resentfully at the curtains he'd drawn around his bed. He could hear the others moving about the room then his heart leapt when he heard Sirius chuckle in response to something Peter had said. He moaned softly and covered his face with his hands, rubbing hard.

'What am I going to do?' he whispered then he jumped when a low voice just outside his curtain murmured back, 'About what?'

Lifting his arm slightly, he saw Sirius slipping between his closed drapes wearing only a towel.

_Merlin, someone up there hated him._

'Nothing,' he mumbled, rolling over onto his side as his cock gave his friend an enthusiastic greeting.

The bed dipped behind him and Remus nearly groaned aloud as the scent of soap and shampoo and the fucking perfection that was Sirius wafted over him.

'Are you alright, Moony?' Sirius asked, putting his hand on his shoulder.

'Fine,' Remus said shortly, shifting so Sirius' hand fell from his body. 'Just tired still. Full moon in just over a week.'

'It's too soon for you to be feeling _this_ tired, Remus. It's not the moon. You're still mad that we busted in on you, aren't you?' Sirius asked softly. 'I'm sorry, Moony, but we were freezing…'

'I'm not mad, Sirius,' he mumbled, unable to stay angry at the invasion of his space when Sirius had actually offered a rare sincere apology. 'I just like my privacy, that's all.'

'Sure?'

'I'm sure.'

When Sirius didn't move, Remus twisted around to look at him. 'Don't you think you should get dressed?'

Sirius grinned and stood up, flexing his muscles and posing. 'Why?' he teased. 'Afraid you won't be able to control your animal urges around me?'

This time, Remus was unable to bite back his groan and Sirius' face lit up, a mischievous gleam appearing in his eyes as he recognised the noise for what it was - an uncontrollable expression of frustration stemming from Remus' admiration for aforementioned marvellous body. He rolled away from Sirius again, praying next time he looked, the other boy would have found some modesty.

'You want me, Lupin,' Sirius joked, leaving the curtains parted as he walked back to his bed. 'It's only a matter of time before you give in and grovel at my feet begging for a shag like the rest of the Hogwarts population…'

'I will bloody _not_!'

Remus twisted around as he sat up, planning on giving Sirius a piece of his mind in regards to his much higher standards, but the words died in his throat when he saw a white towel crumpled on the floor then followed Sirius' hair-sprinkled legs up until his eyes rested upon Sirius' naked buttocks.

His tight, round buttocks.

Sirius seemed oblivious to his nakedness and turned to make a retort. Remus' mind started screaming instructions to his body as that delightful front view came back into his line of sight.

_Don't look Don't look Don't look Don't look Don't look_

He couldn't help it. He looked. And Sirius saw him look.

The corner of Sirius' mouth turned up, and his lips parted, but before he could say a word, Remus jumped up, grabbing his shoes and mumbling something about food as he ran off, leaving a smirking Sirius in his wake.

Remus grabbed some toast then hid in the library for the morning, knowing Sirius and James wouldn't be seen dead in the hallowed hall of books. It was almost empty so he took advantage of the solitude to hide himself away in a corner until he heard the bell for afternoon lessons. Avoiding Sirius was easy enough - they had only one class together, Double Transfiguration, and Remus came in late, knowing Sirius would already be there, surrounded by his fan club, and that Remus would have to sit elsewhere.

Sirius looked up when the classroom door squeaked open and his eyes followed Remus as he apologised to Professor McGonagall then quickly found a seat on the other side of the room. Throughout the class (he was praying it wouldn't end up on their NEWT exam as he had no clue what it had been about), he could feel the burn of the other boy's gaze on him and not turning to look at Sirius was a lesson in self-control. His skin prickled and he could feel liquid fire dripping through his veins to gather low in his stomach, the sensation making him hot and hard.

Remus bolted when the lesson finished, ignoring Sirius' call to him, then hid in the library (wishing he'd gone to the bathroom for a quick wank first) until dinner when he once again entered late. But Sirius had wised up to his methods by now and the only free space at the table was next to him.

With a sigh, Remus took the vacant place, Sirius immediately scooting across the bench to close the space between them. He glared at Remus, demanding answers in an angry whisper.

'What the hell is wrong with you? Where have you been all day?'

'Busy. Studying.'

'Bullshit.'

Remus flushed and tried to move away from him, but he was blocked by Alice Jones on his other side.

'Moony…'

'Don't, Sirius. Please just…don't.'

Sirius opened his mouth to argue then snapped it shut again, acquiescing with Remus' wishes. He turned back to his meal, poking at it and glaring darkly at Remus every now and then.

Remus finished quickly and stood up, mouth opening to make his excuses, but Sirius beat him to it, standing and taking the other boy's arm firmly.

'Moony, help me with my Defence essay.'

'I…what?'

'I need help with my essay. You're finished dinner. Come on.'

He stepped over the bench seat, tugging on Remus' arm. Remus had to follow to avoid ending up in a heap on the floor, but he didn't go without a fight, finally managing to wrench his arm from Sirius' grasp as they got to the bottom of the stairs.

'Sirius!'

Sirius spun around to glare at him. 'You want to do this here? You really want us to have this out here?'

'There's nothing to have out, Sirius…'

'You've been avoiding me all day! It's like I've suddenly got Dragon Pox or something. You got all strange this morning and I want to know what it was that I did wrong.'

'I…'

Remus clammed up when he saw two Ravenclaw students leaving the Great Hall, staring curiously at him and Sirius as they walked past.

'Merlin's hairy balls!' he muttered. 'Come on.'

Sirius gripped his elbow and attempted to drag him up the stairs but Remus freed himself with an irritated, 'I can walk, you know.'

He followed Sirius to their dorm, the other boy rounding on him the moment they were through the door. Remus raised his wand and the door slammed shut, the lock clicking audibly into place.

'So?' Sirius demanded, crossing his arms over his chest.

Remus frowned and put his bag down very carefully and quietly, trying to buy himself some time to think.

'Stop stalling, Remus.'

_Fuck._

'I just… I was… embarrassed.'

Whatever Sirius has expected to hear, it obviously wasn't that as the astonished expression on his face would have been laughable under normal circumstances (those being circumstances where Remus wasn't about to completely humiliate himself).

'Embarrassed? Why on earth would you be embarrassed?' Sirius' eyes seemed to become unfocused for a moment then he blinked and a crease appeared between his eyes. 'Because you saw me naked? You've seen me naked before, Remus.' He smiled like he'd had a sudden epiphany. 'Because you _liked_ seeing me naked?'

Remus flushed, but didn't respond and Sirius' smile faded as the truth hit him. 'Because… _I_ saw _you_ naked? That's it, isn't it? You're still mad James and I burst in on you?'

'I'm not mad. I… I was just embarrassed. I like having privacy…'

'That's not it.' Sirius' voice was soft, gentle as he stepped closer to Remus. 'You… you were worried about your scars, weren't you? You thought… what? That we'd suddenly hate you? That we'd be disgusted?'

'They're ugly. I don't want anyone seeing them.'

Sirius stared at him, an unfathomable expression on his face. Remus sighed and shrugged, figuring he may as well confess the rest. 'And then I… saw _you_ naked. It was… You are… not like me. You're… you know… and I'm… and you could never...'

His disjointed speech ended in an exasperated growl. It wasn't enough the other boy had control over his body, Sirius was stealing his power of speech now as well.

'Remus, look at me.'

Remus sighed then gathered his nerve and looked up. Sirius was a lot closer than he had been a few seconds earlier and his eyes held an intensity that made Remus want to hide.

'Do you know what I did after you left the bathroom?'

Remus frowned and cleared his suddenly dry throat. 'Er… Showered?'

'Wanked.'

Oxygen really wasn't all that important - at least Remus hoped it wasn't as he had somehow managed to forget how to breathe.

'I… ah…'

'I jerked off thinking about that body you hate so much…'

When did Sirius get so close that Remus could feel his breath on his cheek?

'I jerked off thinking about touching those scars you said were ugly…'

Heat radiated off Sirius' skin and Remus felt like he was on fire.

'I touched myself wishing I knew how your skin tasted...'

Sirius' tongue darted out to lick his lips and Remus' heartbeat skittered all over the place.

'I came wishing you'd gotten back into that shower with me, wishing it were your hand on me.'

Air. Remus needed air and his lungs jolted back into working order, drawing in a shuddering breath. Sirius was still too close and Remus could feel that primal pull inside him urging him to claim the man that offered himself so willingly.

'S… Sirius…'

'Remus. I want…' Sirius shook his head, his expression frustrated, then Remus felt a Quidditch-roughened hand skimming along his arm.

'Remus…'

Sirius' face was too close now - they were sharing breath - and Remus could see every masturbatory fantasy he'd ever had reflected in Sirius' grey eyes. Remus felt a shiver of anticipation trickle down his spine before Sirius' soft lips brushed feather-light against his. He almost moaned out loud when the ghost of a touch firmed and Sirius' mouth was pressed against his own.

_I'm kissing Sirius. Oh, Merlin, I'm kissing Sirius._

The slightly hysterical thought ran through Remus' mind before it was chased out by the incredible sensation of Sirius sucking lightly on his bottom lip. He couldn't stop the little whimper this time and was buoyed by hearing Sirius echo it. Then Sirius nipped insistently at his lip and Remus instinctively opened his mouth.

Sirius made an approving noise and the vibrations shot straight to Remus' cock. He realised then that the kiss was decidedly one-sided and set about pulling his weight, letting Sirius' convincing tongue coax his into his mouth. He felt Sirius' hands rise to cup his face – the touch gentle and possessive - and Remus melted.

Sirius broke the kiss, puffing a little as he leaned his forehead against Remus'. His finger traced the long scar along Remus' cheekbone and Remus winced.

'Don't, Remus,' Sirius whispered, shifting so he could press his lips to the raised flesh. 'God, what else do I have to do to show you I fancy you?' He raised his head, a wicked smile playing about his lips. 'I'll take suggestions,' he murmured, tongue sliding over his bottom lip before he leaned in to claim Remus' lips once more.

This time, there was no hesitation, Remus responding enthusiastically to the kiss, carding his hands through Sirius' hair as it quickly became hungry and needy. Sirius moaned into Remus' mouth and his hands moved to Remus' hips, gripping the jutting bones tightly as he dragged Remus' body closer to his own.

'Gods, tell me you want this too because I'm just about ready to come in my pants,' Sirius muttered against Remus' lips, his hips rolling and grinding their erections together.

Remus felt all the breath rush from his lungs and he nodded vigorously. 'Yes,' he gasped out, clutching at Sirius' shirt in an effort to both hold himself up and pull the other boy closer. 'Fuck, _yes_...'


	4. 4

Sirius made what could only be described as a growl and suddenly, they were moving, Remus stumbling backwards until the edge of a bed met the back of his weakening knees.

'Naked,' Sirius muttered, lips doing incredible things to Remus' neck as his fingers fumbled at the buttons of the other boy's shirt. 'You need to be more naked.'

With those words, Remus' knees gave out and he collapsed back onto the bed, followed by an enthusiastic Sirius, whose knee missed Remus' bollocks by a mere inch as he worked to pull Remus' shirt tails out of his pants.

All inhibitions cast to the four winds, Remus pushed himself upright, gripping Sirius by the scruff of his neck and pulling him into a searing kiss that stilled his frantic fingers. They fell back onto the mattress, mouths joined in a soul-shaking kiss that deepened and grew until they were both light-headed from lack of oxygen.

'Where the bloody hell did you learn to kiss like that?' Sirius rasped, staring down incredulously at Remus with eyes that had turned completely black with desire.

Remus just shook his head, unable to coax his tongue into issuing a fully-formed sentence. Instead, his trembling hands moved to Sirius' shirt, roughly yanking the buttons from their holes. He'd waited so long for this, so long to find someone he wanted so much that he burned with the force of it. It was some kind of bloody miracle that the one his body screamed for wanted him back and he wasn't taking any chances that this could be snatched from him. He wanted to touch, to taste, to lose himself, and he would think about the consequences of this course of action on their friendship later – when his cock wasn't threatening to bust the zipper of his pants wide open.

Sirius released all of the buttons, pushing the shirt off Remus' shoulders with one hand while the other coasted down his scarred sternum. A soft groan escaped his lips. 'Gods, Remus...' Sirius breathed as his hand reached Remus' waistband. 'You have no idea how much I want this.'

Remus huffed out a disbelieving breath and shoved Sirius' now unbuttoned shirt down his arms. 'I think I have some idea,' he muttered. He bit his lip when Sirius' fingers tweaked his nipples and moved his hands to the front of Sirius' pants. 'Are we doing this with our pants on?'

Sirius grinned as Remus plucked at the button of his fly then kissed him hard and fast. 'Absolutely not,' he said, reaching for Remus' zipper.

Remus expected to feel more embarrassment, more shame, as his damaged flesh was revealed to Sirius' greedy eyes, but the expression of wanton lust on the other boy's face seemed to drive all his insecurities away. Sirius' desperate whimper as Remus stepped out of his pants made his abdomen tense dangerously and he took several deep breaths. He watched as Sirius' trousers fell away, swallowing hard to try and lubricate his suddenly dry throat.

'Fuck...you are... _fuck_ ,' he said insensibly and Sirius smirked.

'Get that reaction a lot,' he boasted.

Remus scowled, both at the bragging and the reminder that he wasn't the first to see that toned body, to touch those strong arms, to have that ridiculously hard cock brush over his thigh...

Sirius pushed him back onto the bed and, with one hand on either side of his head, leaned over Remus with a surprisingly gentle expression on his face. 'You are bloody gorgeous, Moony,' he said softly, his finger tracing the length of a scar on Remus' neck. 'I've been waiting for you. I didn't want this to happen with anyone but you. I didn't trust anyone else.'

The first stab of nerves pierced through Remus' lust-driven haze as he realised exactly what Sirius was saying, what he wanted, and he licked his lips. 'I don't have a clue what I'm doing, Sirius,' he whispered, feeling his cheeks heat up as the thought of actually doing _this_ with Sirius made his cock twitch noticeably. 'I've never gone this far before.'

Sirius smiled, bringing their mouths back together briefly. 'Neither have I, but you can't mess up sex, Remus. Even when it's bad, it's good. Not that it would be bad...' he said hurriedly.

Somehow that didn't reassure Remus, whose nerves and doubts were now pelting him like hail stones. Sirius saw the expression on his face and frowned. 'No, Remus,' he said sternly. 'Stop over-thinking this. Sex isn't complicated. It's about making each other feel good and... Fuck, I _really_ want to make you feel good.' His eyes roamed over Remus' face. 'This doesn't have to change anything between us.'

Remus bit his kiss-swollen lip. This was moving quickly, but he and Sirius knew each other inside out, they were attracted to each other, they both wanted this, but could things really stay the same afterwards?

Sirius kissed him then, his tongue gently coaxing his lips apart and drawing Remus' tongue into a lazy duel as the lip lock became more and more intense. Sirius pulled back, dragging his lips over Remus' cheek then flicking his ear lobe with his tongue.

'I want you to fuck me, Remus,' he whispered and, with those six words, all of Remus' reservations vanished in a wash of burning hot want.

'Fucking hell,' he hissed then, wrapping a leg over Sirius', he twisted them so he was laying on top of the other boy, their bare flesh pressed together from shoulder to hip. 'Yes...'

Sirius grunted his approval, the sound lost as their mouths crashed together once more.

It was surreal. Remus flushed as, after several long minutes of frantic kissing and careful, explorative touches, Sirius pressed a tube of lube into his hand, nodding encouragement then guiding Remus' fingers – suddenly feeling too thick and indelicate – inside him. Cock nearly fit to burst, Remus held on to his self-control for dear life as first one then two fingers disappeared inside a part of Sirius he had never dreamed he would ever see, let alone touch.

Then Sirius whispered, 'Now, Remus...' and pulled him closer until the head of his cock breached Sirius' body. Sirius tensed, his muscles clenching unbearably around Remus' cock, and bit back a cry of pain.

'I'll stop,' Remus said immediately, his voice strangled. His hips were moving minutely back and forth as he struggled to stop himself from ploughing right into that tight, clenching heat. 'I'll pull back...'

'Nope,' Sirius gasped out, spreading his legs wider as his fingers bit painfully into the flesh of Remus' buttock. 'Keep going.'

Remus frowned, doubting that this was the best course of action, but before he could stop himself, his hips were rocking forward, another inch of his throbbing shaft now encased inside Sirius' arse.

They both groaned simultaneously, Remus moaning, 'Gods, Sirius. This feels fucking _incredible_.'

Sirius made a whimpering noise as Remus, unable to help himself, pushed on and sheathed himself completely inside the other boy. He stopped, panting furiously as he watched emotions flickering across Sirius' face.

'Pads, for Merlin's sake,' he said, wrenching the words from somewhere deep inside. 'I'm hurting you.'

'Just... give me a minute,' Sirius rasped out, both hands gripping Remus' hips to hold him still. 'I knew it would hurt a bit at first.'

Remus closed his eyes, praying that Sirius would unclench as he wasn't sure how much longer he could hold on. He took deep, calming breaths and thought unsexy thoughts as, slowly, he felt the muscles squeezing his cock loosen. When he finally had the strength to open his eyes, the delicious vision of Sirius stroking himself greeted him, the other boy watching Remus' face as he fisted his own hardening cock.

'Everything alright there, Moony?' Sirius asked cheekily, the earlier tension just about gone from his face, much to Remus' relief.

Remus let out a puff of laughter. 'You're jerking yourself off while my cock is up your arse,' Remus choked out sarcastically. 'Just a normal day so far.'

Sirius laughed and Remus' eyes widened, inhaling sharply as Sirius' muscles tightened around his erection. 'Can I...?' he whispered hoarsely, and Sirius nodded.

'Slow at first, yeah?'

Remus nodded and his instincts kicked in, guiding his, at first, uncoordinated movements until he fell into a timeless rhythm. Slowly, as Sirius requested, to begin with, then Sirius locked a leg around his hips and arched up, his hand sliding faster up and down his pre-come slicked shaft.

'Harder,' he hissed then he bit down on his lip as Remus obeyed. ' _Fuck_ , yes. That's it.'

Remus swore and flexed his hips harder and faster, Sirius' moans mingling with his own as he slammed himself inside the other boy without restraint. It only took half a dozen strokes for Remus to reach the end of his tether and, with a loud cry, he came so hard he saw stars.

Just as he was coming down from the incredible high, Sirius made a strangled noise and his body clenched around Remus' spent, sensitive cock, making him cry out from the pleasure-pain sensation. He watched as ropes of pearly white ejaculate shot across Sirius' stomach, the other boy's face flushed and strained as he lost himself inside his release.

It was the most amazing thing Remus had ever seen.

His arms gave out and he fell heavily onto Sirius' chest, grimacing when he felt the sticky spread of come across his belly. His flaccid cock slipped from the heat of Sirius' body and he heard Sirius hiss softly.

'Gods, I'm so sorry,' he said, immediately sitting up between Sirius' legs. 'I hurt you...'

'It's fine, Remus,' Sirius said reassuringly, patting Remus on the arm. 'Really. I knew it would burn a bit at first...'

'Could've warned me,' Remus muttered and Sirius frowned.

'Sorry,' he said regretfully. 'I probably should have. I was just worried you wouldn't do it if you thought you were going to hurt me at all.'

'I wouldn't have,' retorted Remus and Sirius sat up, his hand sliding into the hair at Remus' nape.

'Do you regret this?' he asked, the shakiness of his voice making him sound more vulnerable than Remus had ever heard before.

Remus shook his head. 'No, I don't,' he whispered, leaning in to press a quick kiss to Sirius' lips. 'You?'

'No way. No regrets,' Sirius replied, smiling and catching Remus' mouth with his own and this time, the kiss lingered sweetly until a thump on the door broke them apart.

'Unlock the bloody door, you bastards!' came James' indignant voice. 'If you two are filling my bed with spiders again, I swear I will hex your bloody bollocks off!'

Sirius made a soft noise as he sat down for breakfast, the sound making his three partners-in-crime look up from their laden plates.

'Alright, Padfoot?' Peter asked, his mouth overflowing with masticated bacon.

'Fine,' Sirius assured him, looking mildly disgusted by the sight. 'Just a pulled thigh muscle from Quidditch.'

James frowned and opened his mouth but Sirius, anticipating his questions, spoke first. 'I'm fine,' he repeated, reaching for the pumpkin juice. 'It won't stop me playing next match.'

A placated James went back to his food and Sirius snuck a look at Remus, who was frowning worriedly down at his plate. Sirius stretched out a foot under the table and kicked Remus gently on the ankle. Remus looked up, eyes wary, and Sirius smiled reassuringly at him. The other boy gave him a slightly grim smile back then poked at his fried egg.

Sirius sighed softly and sipped at his juice. He was sorer than he'd anticipated being, limping slightly on his return to the room last night, and he knew Remus was probably flagellating himself over it.

_Gods, this is going to make Remus think twice about it happening again... or me doing it to him._

His fears were confirmed when he'd poked his head into Remus' closed curtains late last night only to have the other boy fake sleep to avoid talking to him. Then he'd overslept this morning and now wasn't going to get a chance to reassure Remus that, despite the slight lingering ache, he was just fine.

_Better than fine._

Sirius hid a smile behind his glass of juice as he remembered the previous night. It really had been pretty amazing. Once that intense burning stretch had faded, the feeling of Remus filling him – hot and hard – had been bloody fantastic. And Remus had even managed to hit that spot inside him that he'd only read about, sending spikes of pleasure jolting through him. Sirius grinned around a mouthful of egg. Remus had been far more enthusiastic and responsive than he'd ever dreamed and...

_Merlin, I'm getting hard._

He redirected his thoughts and lowered a hand to his lap, trying to adjust himself surreptitiously. He snuck another look at Remus who quickly averted his own gaze, a flush colouring his cheeks. Sirius smiled, ducking his head as he realised the other boy had been watching him. Perhaps it wasn't going to be as hard as he thought to convince Remus to do that again.

_We can't do it again._

Remus gnawed at his lip, Professor McGonagall's lecture on human transfiguration washing over him as he thought about last night's events. It had been... well, bloody fantastic if he was honest with himself, but he'd seen the way Sirius was walking so carefully now, and things had been awkward this morning between he and Sirius. Sex was already affecting their friendship negatively and it would only get worse if they did it again.

Wouldn't it?

But he couldn't help but recall the way he'd felt when Sirius touched him, the way those grey eyes had turned to quicksilver when Remus thrust inside him… Remus groaned softly, shifting uncomfortably in his chair as his body made its opinion known. Sirius' head turned and he smirked at Remus as if he knew exactly what the other boy was thinking, and Remus glared back at him.

_It can't happen again._

But it did. Just hours later while Peter and James were at training...

'We can't do this again, Sirius. You can hardly bloody walk...' He groaned as Sirius' hand squeezed his cock through his trousers then Sirius shoved the already half-naked Remus down onto his bed.

'Can you honestly tell me that you haven't been thinking about this all day?' Sirius hissed as he tore at Remus' fly. 'I saw your hard on, Remus. I saw the way you were looking at me.'

He pulled the whimpering Remus' pants and trousers off in one yank then stripped off his own before throwing himself down on top of him . 'We have about an hour before James and Peter finish training and I didn't arrange this 'pulled muscle' so we could sit here and have a cup of tea,' he said, lowering his head to press a trail of open mouthed kisses against Remus' chest. 'If you don't want me to fuck you, that's fine. You can fuck me again. Either way, we are getting off and getting off now.'

To emphasise his point, he bit down on Remus' nipple as he rolled his hips, grinning triumphantly when Remus stopped objecting and started swearing.

And then the next day, despite Remus' stern lectures to himself...

'I am _not_ fucking you in a cupboard, Sirius!'

'Shh! Do you want to get caught? Come on, Remus. I'm so bloody hard it'll only take a minute to finish.'

'You _do_ know fast is not a _good_ thing, don't you?'

'It is when you've ten minutes left of lunch. Fine. Don't fuck me. Let me suck you off.'

'I... You... Oh, that... that's bloody fantastic...'

'You li...'

'Don't fucking stop!'

'Alright! Merlin, talk about bloody pushy...'

'Are you going to do this or wh... Oh, _fuck_.'

And, to Remus' enormous chagrin, he found himself actually _begging_ for it the day after that...

'Gods, I thought they'd never go.'

'You're a bit keen for something, Moony. Don't know if I'm in the mood.'

'Oh! Er... sorry, Pads. I just... I thought...'

'Remus, I'm joking. If I had a slit fucking throat I'd still be in the mood. Get over here now and do something with that stiffie I can see in your pants.'

'Any suggestions?'

'Stick it up my arse or down my throat, I don't give a Kneazle's backside. Just get naked.'

Remus chose Sirius' throat for expediency – as he was quite close to losing it in his pants – and he was doing some fervent reciprocating when James almost caught them fifteen minutes later. Remus quickly swallowed the mouthful of bitter come Sirius had just shot over his tongue and rolled off the bed when he heard thundering footsteps outside.

Sirius was tucked away and lounging on his bed when James and Peter burst into the room, his pink cheeks the only indication of his recent activities. Remus fell onto his own bed, coughing a little and trying not to pull a face at the sour taste lingering on his tongue as he scolded himself for his weakness yet again.

_We can't keep doing this. Hiding. Keeping secrets. It's starting to affect our friendship with Pete and James; how long until it affects our own friendship irrecoverably?_

He tried not to let himself think about what he was slowly realising was the real problem - he wasn't sure that he wanted a friends with benefits arrangement with Sirius anymore. Every time they were together, he could feel himself falling deeper and deeper under Sirius' spell, wanting him more and more, _needing_ him, and it terrified him.

_What happens if I fall for him? What happens to us if I end up head over heels in love with him?_

No. Best to end things now, before the inevitable happened and what they had was completely fucked up beyond all repair.

When he finally gathered the courage to inform Sirius of his decision the next morning, he was surprised and more than a little hurt by the nonchalant, 'Whatever,' he received in return. As he turned on his heel, stung by the easy acceptance, he failed to see disappointment and pain crumple Sirius' face.


	5. 5

The next few days were difficult; the full moon transformation almost impossible. Sirius was noticeably absent from Remus' bedside after the change, and Remus was startled by how very much that hurt. He hadn't realised how much he'd already come to rely on Sirius before sex entered the picture.

Peter and James had been watching Remus and Sirius worriedly for days now, their attempts to act as peace-keepers earning them snappish rebukes. By the time the first Hogsmeade weekend of the year dawned, Remus was just about ready to pull his hair out. He'd come to realise and accept that he cared for Sirius – _really_ cared for Sirius – and it made his stomach churn unpleasantly to think that he might have lost him forever. He was determined that, today, they would talk properly. Remus would confess that he was scared of what he was beginning to feel, scared of his burgeoning feelings for Sirius and how that would affect their friendship, but that he wanted it back.

But his resolve dissolved when he awoke to Sirius' loud and raucous boasting about his plans for the day.

'She'll be begging me for it,' said the same voice that had pleaded with Remus to fuck him harder just over a week earlier.

'Sure, Padfoot,' Peter said in a bored voice then his face appeared in the gap between Remus' bed curtains. He smiled when he saw Remus was awake and flung his drapes wide open. 'Alright there, Moony? Aren't you coming to Hogsmeade?'

Remus saw Sirius' eyes flick over to him and caught a glimpse of - What was that? Guilt, uncertainty, regret? - before a shutter came down and replaced the expression with bravado and cold arrogance. Remus' defenses immediately came up. Sirius used words like weapons when he was like this; his tongue cut like a knife and his aim was true.

'You staying here to study, Moony?' Sirius said blithely, shaking his head at a wary Remus. 'Don't you think you should get out there and do some shagging before it falls off from lack of use?'

Remus clenched his jaw, determined not to acknowledge the ache in his chest when he thought of Sirius with some vapid tramp; instead, responding to Sirius' taunts, letting thoughtless words spill from him in a poisonous flood as he climbed out of bed. 'I _am_ going to Hogsmeade, actually,' he retorted, snatching up some clean clothes out of his trunk at random. 'If only to watch you fall flat on your face. Who's the unfortunate prey today, Padfoot? And how did she get so unlucky as to have your attention fall upon her?'

Sirius narrowed his eyes, taking a step forward. Remus knew James and Peter took his words at face value – just Moony and Padfoot's usual acerbic banter - but he could see that Sirius had heard the anger beneath the light tone.

'Bridget Markham,' Sirius replied, staring at Remus. 'And I'll have you know, I've never had a complaint from _anyone_ about my... attention.'

'Perhaps once they get some comparisons...'

Sirius' fists curled. 'Jealous, Moony?' Sirius said, voice soft but venomous. 'Perhaps you're wanting a little of my attention?'

'I don't want anything from you, Sirius,' Remus snapped, shoving past the other boy on his way to the bathroom.

James and Peter's initial amusement had faded as the tension rose, and Peter gasped softly as Sirius stood his ground, shouldering Remus hard as he passed. The momentum spun Remus around, he and Sirius now facing each other.

They stood there for a long, tense moment, eyeing each other as James and Peter shifted uneasily, then Remus whispered, 'Get fucked, Sirius,' before turning to stalk off to the bathroom.

'I intend to,' Sirius called angrily after him, Remus slamming the door hard as he heard Peter whisper, 'Did we miss something?'

Sirius ignored the curious gazes of Peter and James as he focused more attention than strictly necessary on sliding his belt into the loops on his waistband.

'What did you do?' James asked darkly.

Sirius frowned. 'Why do _I_ have to have done something?' he snapped. 'Why can't Remus ever be in the wrong?'

'You have to admit that it's usually you,' Peter said and Sirius almost growled as he lifted his head to scowl at the other boy.

'You'd better fix this, Padfoot,' James threatened, scowling at Sirius before he disappeared into the bathroom after Remus.

Sirius tugged angrily at his belt, the leather whipping his hand as he yanked on the end.

_It was just bloody sex. We both know that. Why'd he have to ruin everything and call it off?_

Just sex... Sirius closed his eyes for a moment, recalling the sensations that washed over him when Remus touched him. His breathing faltered. Remus' touch left him quivering in places he didn't know could quiver and his head spun from the overload of sensation. He'd been with his fair share of partners and he knew how good sex could be, but if there was such a thing as a perfect shag, he and Remus had had it.

And he knew what the difference was, no matter how much he'd tried to deny it over the last few days. He cared about Remus. He respected him. He – possibly – was falling for him.

_Maybe that's why he called it off? Maybe he could tell you were feeling things you had no business feeling?_

Sirius knew he was being a complete and utter bastard now; could see how hurt and angry Remus was by his sudden coldness, but it was this or break down like a fucking girl and admit to Remus that he needed him, that he craved his touch and his kiss.

That he wanted more than just friendship, more than just sex. And that perhaps he always had.

The day after the full moon, he'd snuck past Madam Pomfrey and sat by Remus' bed, determined to admit his feelings. Remus had been sleeping and Sirius had intended to shake him awake, but instead, found himself sitting carefully on the edge of the bed, watching the other boy in repose. He looked so peaceful and Sirius' heart ached when he thought about the distance between them. The distance he had created.

In the end, he couldn't face Remus, couldn't face a possible second rejection, and he'd fled when he saw Remus' eyelids flutter.

_This was not what was supposed to happen. I wasn't supposed to fall for him._

He sighed heavily then looked up to see James and Peter staring at him. He turned and attempted to make a dramatic exit; the effect ruined when his feet tangled in his own trailing bedclothes and he fell face-first onto the floor at a startled Peter's feet.

'It's Remus you should be groveling to,' Peter quipped, offering a hand to help him up. 'You're throwing yourself at the wrong person's feet, Padfoot.'

Sirius grumbled a suggestion as to which of Peter's orifices he'd like to shove his foot up, but took his hand and let the blonde haul him to his feet. Peter looked decidedly unconcerned at the blatant threat to his well-being and sauntered across the room to grab his jacket before he descended to the common room.

James stood as still as a statue, gaze fixed on Sirius. When Sirius chanced a glance at him, he winced at the burning anger in his best friend's eyes.

'I _told_ you not to do it,' he hissed and Sirius looked away.

'I've done nothing,' he muttered, pretending to search for his jacket. 'You always think the worst of me.'

'Unfortunately, you keep living up to expectations,' James snapped. They both stilled when they heard the shower turn off then James glared at Sirius. 'You make it better. I don't care what you have to do, Sirius, but you fix this or I'll make good on my promise.'

Remus fingered the block of dark chocolate on Honeyduke's shelf as his other hand rummaged through his pocket, mentally tallying up the total of the coins that tinkled together softly.

'Damn,' he muttered, realising he was a couple of Sickles short.

'I don't have enough either,' a quiet low-pitched voice said behind him. 'We might have enough together, though, if you don't mind sharing?'

Remus twisted around, blinking in surprise at the blonde boy who was smiling tentatively at him. 'Remus, isn't it? Gryffindor?' the other boy said, his smile hopeful.

Remus felt the corners of his mouth turning up in response. It was a nice smile. 'Yeah,' he replied, turning so he was facing the other boy. 'Daniel from Ravenclaw, right?'

Daniel's face lit up, his smile wide and unrestrained. 'That's me,' he confirmed with a nod before he reached into his pocket and pulled out a handful of coins. 'I saw that you kept coming back to the dark chocolate. Not that I was watching you or being creepy or anything...'

He bit his lip, flushing deeply, and Remus couldn't stop the grin from spreading across his face. He was inexperienced at this game, but he had spent enough time around Sirius to know an attempt at flirting when he saw it.

'It's my favourite,' he said, letting Daniel off the hook. 'But I'm a little short.'

'Mine too,' Daniel said enthusiastically. 'We could... share a block. Go halves...' He gnawed at his lower lip, the redness that had been receding flooding back to his cheeks. 'If you want. Um, it's okay if you don't...'

'No,' said Remus hurriedly, grabbing a block of the chocolate off the shelf and smiling encouragingly at Daniel. Sirius had made his contempt for Remus clear this morning. If he didn't want Remus, why shouldn't he find someone who did? 'We can do that.'

'What do you mean, you knew?'

'Remus told us he fancied blokes as well as birds just after the full moon,' James said dismissively. 'Peter was going to set him up with Lara from Hufflepuff and Moony said he'd prefer that Marcus bloke.'

'And you're alright with it?' Sirius said anxiously. 'You weren't a bastard or anything?'

'I think you're confusing me with yourself there, Padfoot.'

'Very fucking funny, Prongs.'

'Will you stop glaring at them!' James snapped as Sirius' eyes drifted back to Remus and Daniel who were having a drink and sharing some chocolate at a nearby table.

'I'm not glaring…' he retorted.

'Padfoot, Daniel is practically bleeding from the holes your eyes are burning into him.'

Sirius turned his head to scowl at James. He'd blown off Bridget, who actually seemed pleased to be rid of the inattentive Gryffindor, and rejoined his friends only to be stunned by the sight of Remus drinking with some – admittedly good looking – Ravenclaw bloke. Nausea made his stomach twist and his fingers itched to wrap around Daniel's throat.

_Jealous. I'm fucking jealous. Godric, who'd believe it?_

'I would have thought you'd be a bit more concerned about your friend's first outing - literally - as a poof,' Sirius said irritably. 'I just want to make sure no one says anything nasty to him. You're straight, James. You don't understand how awful some people can be.'

'I understand that you are no more looking out for a mate right now than I am shagging Pete.'

'What?' asked Peter in alarm, returning from getting drinks in time to catch James' last comment.

'I don't know what you're on about,' Sirius muttered, taking a drink from a confused-looking Peter.

'You do,' returned James. 'I told you, Padfoot. Moony's not your personal plaything. You couldn't leave him alone, though, and now everything is bolloxed up.'

'I don't think he's my personal…'

'You do,' Peter interrupted, taking a sip of his drink. 'You always have. When you're both mutts, you are in your own little world - you wouldn't notice if Prongs or I weren't there. And once you've changed back, you're still really possessive of him.'

'Am not,' mumbled Sirius, flushing.

'You are,' said James. 'You won't let us near him after the moon…'

'He hates everyone making a fuss…'

'You are always draping yourself all over him and almost growl if one of us does it…'

'I do not drape myself…'

'And then there was that day I caught you both in bed…'

'We were… mucking around…'

James looked sceptical. 'With red faces and hard ons?'

Sirius' mouth opened but nothing came out. He snapped his jaw shut and looked away, feeling his face heat up.

'You and Moony?' Peter asked, looking from Sirius to James as he finally caught on. 'Is that a good idea?'

'There is no…!' Sirius realised how loud he was speaking when the room quietened and he glanced around, seeing many eyes, including Remus', watching him.

He caught Remus' gaze for a moment, but the other boy quickly returned his attention to Daniel. Irritated by how close Remus was sitting to the blonde, Sirius turned back to Peter and James and leaned in.

'There is no me and Moony,' he scowled. 'He's over there very happily letting Daniel whatsit practically grope him. There is nothing going on between us, alright?'

He pushed his chair back, the legs scraping noisily along the wooden floor as he stood. 'And if there was,' he snapped, snatching his coat off the chair. 'It would be none of your business.'

As he left the Three Broomsticks, he looked over his shoulder towards the table Remus and Daniel had been sitting at, but saw that it was now empty. With a sigh, he trudged back to the castle, sulkily ignoring the calls of greeting from various classmates along the way.

_Just accept it, Sirius. You blew it and now it's someone else's turn. You lost him._

The thought made him want to throw up and he stopped, putting his hands on his knees and bending at the waist. He took a few deep breaths, clenching his eyes shut tight as he cursed himself for not seeing what had been right in front of him.

He wanted Remus. Not as a shag, not as a friend. And now, it would never happen.

A rustling noise distracted Sirius from his morose thoughts and he looked up to see two familiar boys snogging behind a tree. His heart dropped into his stomach as he watched Remus enthusiastically returning Daniel's kiss, hands twining in the other boy's hair like they had in Sirius', and suddenly, it was hard to breathe. Sirius bit his lip, tasting coppery blood as he tried to stop himself from screaming at Remus to stop. Sharp pain shot up his forearms and he realised he was digging his fingernails into his palms in an attempt to halt the urge to punch Daniel in his pretty face. Sirius turned away, closing his eyes again to try and get the image of Remus' kissing someone who wasn't him out of his mind.

Then he ran.

He ran all the way back to the castle, ignoring Hagrid's greeting; not stopping until he reached the common room. Lily Evans stared at him in shock as he burst through the portrait hole, nearly knocking her and her friend, Alice, over.

'Watch where you're going, Black!' she snapped.

'Fuck off, Evans, you twat,' he growled back, feeling a shot of vindictive pleasure when her eyes widened in shock.

The feeling faded quickly though and by the time he threw himself moodily onto his bed, he regretted being so short with her. 'It's all Remus' fault,' he thought as anger as hot as molten lava bubbled up inside him, ready to explode. 'How could he go from kissing me like he did, like it meant something, to kissing Daniel like he was trying to fucking devour him today?'

Unable to be still, Sirius leaped off the bed, pacing the room like a caged animal. Was it that easy for Remus? Had he really not felt what Sirius had felt when they were together? Was it really just sex between them for him?

Sirius stopped in front of Remus' bed abruptly, glaring at it as if the soft pillows and bedding had offended him.

'Slut.'

Even as the vindictive word slipped from his lips, he knew he was being unfair, but he wanted to lash out, to make someone else hurt so he could ignore the pain in his own chest, so he didn't have to think about the reason he was so very upset.

'Fucking Remus,' he fumed, angry at himself for thinking this way and even angrier at Remus for making him feel like this. 'Stupid fucking mangy werewolf.'

'Are you talking to me?'

The voice startled him, but he quickly hid his surprise, turning to look at the tall, thin figure in the doorway.

'I don't see any other werewolves in the vicinity so by process of elimination – yes, I'm talking to you.'

Remus raised his eyebrows as he stepped into the room, closing the door behind him with a flick of his wand. Sirius' eyes ran over him urgently, searching for any evidence of lewd behaviour: buttons done up incorrectly, untucked shirt, unzipped fly… But Remus looked as neat and tidy as he always did; the only evidence of the ferocious lip lock Sirius had witnessed were slightly puffy lips which Remus now licked.

Sirius scowled and looked away, ignoring the arrow of lust that shot right through him. 'Enjoy your date?' he asked caustically, leaning in what he hoped was a nonchalant manner against the post of Remus' bed. 'I can't believe you got all worked up about me seeing someone when you were planning on meeting _him_.'

He watched as a flush coloured Remus' cheeks. 'I didn't _plan_ to meet up with Daniel, and it wasn't a date, although I did enjoy his company,' Remus said softly, shrugging off his coat and tossing it onto his bed. 'I…I was ready to come back, though.'

He sat on his bed and looked at Sirius, obviously uncomfortable. 'Why were you insulting me behind my back?'

'I saw you kissing him.'

Remus' eyes widened and Sirius bit his lip, a little too late to stop the resentful sounding words from flying out.

'I…we…' Remus stammered, but it seemed that once started, Sirius' verbal diarrhea was impossible to stop.

'I didn't realise that you were suddenly snogging every bloody person in the school. No wonder you didn't want to keep things going with me. You couldn't fit me into your schedule.'

Remus' eyes narrowed now and he shot to his feet. 'Daniel was kissing me because he _wanted_ to, not because he was experiencing a lull in his sex life.'

He took a step closer and crossed his arms over his chest. 'And why the hell do you care, Sirius? You were the one that kept saying that it was just sex between us and you put up no fight at all when I said I thought we should stop. If you'd seen me sucking Daniel's dick today, you'd have no right to be pissed...'

The mirror on Sirius' bedside table shattered as a pulse of magic throbbed through the air. Remus stared in surprise at the broken mirror then looked at Sirius whose eyes were wide and shocked as he realised that his anger had done that. He felt a trickle of liquid on his chin and wiped it away, realising it was blood when he saw the red smear across the back of his hand.

Remus' face changed when he saw the blood, surprise morphing into concern. 'Padfoot?' He moved to stand in front of Sirius and touched a finger to the still-damp path the droplet of blood had taken. 'You're bleeding!'

'It's fine,' Sirius muttered, pushing Remus' hand away from him, unable to stand the tingling heat the spread over his skin at the touch. 'I just bit my lip.'

He sucked the abused flesh into his mouth, noticing that Remus' eyes stayed fixed on his mouth, darkening as Sirius' tongue swept over his bottom lip to soothe it. A corresponding shudder of desire shook him and he took a deep breath, summoning the remnants of his courage to confess to his feelings because he couldn't do this anymore. He couldn't be without Remus anymore.

'Remus…'

Remus looked up and Sirius felt his cock harden when he saw the raw want etched in the other boy's face. 'I... I want...' He faltered when he saw Remus' throat undulate; the words vanishing before he could form them.

Remus frowned, looking at him closely. He said, in a raspy voice, 'What do you want, Sirius? Just... tell me what you want from me.'

This moment could completely ruin their friendship, or it could lead to something that Sirius suspected he'd wanted from the moment Remus crawled into bed with him that fateful day.

'I want... I want _you_ ,' he whispered, feeling incredibly exposed and so very scared that Remus would turn him away. 'I don't want you going out with other blokes, I don't want you _kissing_ them. I just... I just want you. With me.'

'For sex?'

Sirius shook his head. 'No, I... it was never just sex,' he admitted softly. 'I just didn't realise it until you told me you didn't want me.'

'I _did_ want you!' Remus insisted. 'I was... You said you wanted sex and I wanted... more. I thought I'd scare you away and I didn't want to ruin everything by fall...'

He bit his lip then smiled shyly when Sirius grinned at him, his face flushed pink. 'Really?' Sirius asked, and Remus nodded.

'Yeah.'

'Then you... you want to... be with me?' Sirius asked, eyeing Remus hopefully.

Remus stared at him, eyes guarded. 'And what about you? Do you get to go out with anyone you damn well please?'

Sirius shook his head, taking a step closer. 'No. No one but you. I never wanted anyone but you. It just took me a while to realise it.'

'That's because you're a dense prat.'

'Yes.'

A glimmer of a smile twitched at the corner of Remus' mouth and he looked at the floor. 'Suppose we could give it a try,' he said, trying not to sound too eager.

Sirius whooped in delight and closed the distance between them. He wrapped his arms around Remus' waist and kissed him hard before lifting him off the ground and spinning them.

Remus cried out in alarm, smacking Sirius on the shoulder. 'Fuck! Put me down, you wanker! I'm not a bloody girl!'

Sirius chuckled and let Remus' feet touch the ground. 'You're not?' he teased, his breath hitching when Remus' groin rubbed against his. 'Perhaps you should prove it.'

Remus huffed indignantly and gave Sirius a shove onto the nearest bed then launched himself at him, intent on making sure that every time Sirius took a step for the next day or two, he was reminded of just how male Remus was and to whom he now belonged.

_fin._


End file.
